she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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