she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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