Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
