I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
