If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
