I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
how drunk are you?
Several
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
