btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
