If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
