i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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