i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
