Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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