Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
