I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
