elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
