i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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