she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
