He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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