How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
