god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
