I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
