So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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