so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
