I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
