sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
