Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
