I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
