i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
