yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
