They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
