I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
