ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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