you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
