captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
