someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
