I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was not drunk enough for that final.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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