I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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