I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
