i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
