I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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