Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
accomplished twins. life is a go
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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