i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
