I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
