Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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