so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
