Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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