it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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