apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
