We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
