omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
