the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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