is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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