He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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