When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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