Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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