How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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