So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
