My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
