Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
