Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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