kristin has been a bad kristin
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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