At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
