i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
