She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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