I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
