What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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