Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
