Apparently you make a good broom.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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