The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
whose parrot is this?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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