I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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