I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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