I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
