Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
