I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
