What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
