Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
