my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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