This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
