Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
