This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
