Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
