Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
