Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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