Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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