Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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