Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
