I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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