It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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