Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
