The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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